Time and changes

10 years ago, I was starting what would turn out to be my last semester as a grad student, although I didn't know it at the time. I was dealing with all sorts of health issues including hormones and neurotransmitters being completely out of whack. I suffered from a lot of anxiety, particularly when it came to singing. I loved to sing, and had a lot of respect for my teacher and wanted to sing well for her. But the more I wanted to do well, the more anxious I became and the worse things got. For several years after I left school, I would still get sick anytime I went near the university. I even had some minor anxiety when I saw my teacher this summer in a more social setting.

All that anxiety about singing and my voice teacher makes what happened tonight really funny. These first couple weeks of school are usually high stress for me as I'm trying to recruit enough students to pay the bills, but condense my schedule enough that I'm not working insane hours. I'm a little stressed this week and my anxiety is higher than has become my new norm (but no where near what it was in grad school.) So...tonight when at finished lessons at close to 7:30, I was feeling frustrated that once again, there was no way I could get in actual singing practice. My body just didn't have that kind of energy left. I was frustrated and anxious and trying to figure out how to make everything work. As I did one last email check, I turned on a recording of my teacher. Guess what happened? I relaxed. I could feel the tension release in my body as I listened to the beautiful sound. What a great way to end the day! And what a great way to bring this relationship full circle. I met her through a recording and knew that I had to study with her. I studied with her; we had our ups and downs; and I moved on. Now I'm continuing to learn from her recordings.